To put it simply, Hell No
by The Platypus Kay
Summary: (Humanstuck) Dave Strider and Tessa Pyrope find themselves rooming together under the agreement that they won't flirt, date, hook up, or anything. But exactly how long will that last with a slow bond of love seems to be forming between the blind girl and the cool kid?
1. Chapter 1

You sigh as Charlie walks into the cafe. You hold up a hand in greeting, which the young man replies with a grunt. You lean back in your chair.

"So. You find a place to stay yet?" You ask.

"Yeah," Charlie runs a hand through his shaggy copper hair and nods. "I'm staying with Kaitlyn and Rose until I can get that promotion at the store." Charlie works at a video game store and just moved out of your apartment after your relationship came to an end.

"You found a roommate yet?" Charlie asks as one of the waitresses hands him his coffee. You shake your head.

"Nah, who the hell would room with someone like me? Not even John was up to it." You chuckle.

"Well, do you need help? Cause I might know a possible roommate." Charlie sips his coffee, glancing over at you with bright red eyes. You feel a rock form in the pit of your stomach. How many times had those eyes been the first thing you saw in the morning? How many times had you kissed those lips? Fuck... You resist the urge to pull off your shades and rub your eyes.

"Who?" You ask, tiredly.

Charlie takes out a piece of paper, writes down a name and phone number, and slides it across the table. "Her name is Theresa Pyrope. But you might want to be careful, she's kind of... intense."

"Hey wait, didn't you date some chick named Tessa?" You ask curiously, recalling photos of Charlie and a girl with brightly colored hair and red horn-rimmed glasses smiling and laughing in front of different landmarks.

"Yeah, that would be her." Charlie grumbles.

"Dude." You glare at him.

"What? She's not allowed to live alone, and she just left her boyfriend. This will be good for you Dave." He protests, pouting a bit.

"You are not making me room with your ex-girlfriend. Charlie, it's ridiculous."

"Dave, look. I'm not setting you up with her. Just call her. She'll be a good roommate, I swear." The two of you stare each other down before you finally break.

"Fine, dammit. I'll call her."

"Good. Try not to fuck it up, dipshit," He finishes off his coffee and stands, turning to leave. "Oh and Dave?"

"Yeah?"

"She's blind."


	2. Chapter 2

A week later, Tessa Pyrope was moving in with Dave Strider. You stand awkwardly as two girls you didn't know moved boxes into your apartment. When they were done, the one with bright red hair hugs the blonde girl, thanking her profusely. The girl waves her away.

"Tess, this just means you owe me and will help me out next time."

"Yeah cause you want a blind girl helping you do shit." She grins.

"Course I do. We still on for Sunday with Trav and Anya?"

"Yeah, sure thing Victoria."

You turn away and look out the window. You hear the door open and close and then turn back to look at Tessa. She had opened a box and was rifling through it.

"Please stop staring at me." She told you patiently. A blush forms over your face.

"How-"

"I might be blind, but I'm not stupid or incapable." The girl turns her head up, her eyes staring emptily at you. You step back. Charlie was right, she was intense. "And I don't need Charlie to try and get me to go out with some other douchebag friend of his!"

"What?"

"You heard me. The only reason I need a roommate is because my boss said he would fire me if I didn't have some sort of constant supervision. Now Charlie may think that's a good excuse to set me up with people, but-"

"I'm not gonna try anything Ms. Pyrope," You cut her off. You want to call her Tessa. Or Tess. Ms. Pyrope sounded forced, formal. You smile, attempting a show of kindness, or welcome, and then remember she couldn't see it. "Charlie should have explained, I'm in no mood for flirting or attempting to make you swoon."

"Oh?" She sounded amused, and a playful grin was etching itself on her face.

"Yes. Charlie and I just broke up, which is why he moved out." The look that formed on Tessa's face betrayed a feeling of total shock. She stumbles over her words for a moment, totally lost.

"I didn't know..."

"I'm bisexual, yes, but in no mood for a new relationship at the moment. Or even some small attempt at one." Tessa shook her head, a pained laugh escaping her.

"No, I mean... Charlie... He never said he..." She cleared her throat. "Well, atleast we have that settled then. We are not going to flirt."

"Yeah. Um... There's only one bedroom, but it's pretty big. Two beds, so don't worry about that. If you need more privacy, I could put a curtain up," You walk over to the small hallway, leading to the bedroom and bathroom. "One bathroom. I'll set up your stuff if you like."

"No," She shakes her head. "I can manage on my own."

You sit on the couch, your fingers twitching because you had the strong urge to help her bring all the boxes into your now shared room. She seemed to be managing alright though, only bumping the walls a few times. When she finishes, she looks exhausted and approaches the couch. When she flops down on it, she lands almost directly on your lap.

"Um... Ms. Pyrope?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry." She moves off your lap and you can tell she's blushing.

"No, it's... it's fine." You had considered pulling her all the way onto your lap, but figured she would not have appreciated that. You sigh and check your watch.

"Hey, earlier, you said something about constant supervision? Does that mean I can't leave you here alone for a few hours?" You ask, glancing up at her.

"Yup, why?"

"I have to go to work right now, and I'm not sure you should come." You explain.

"Well where do you work?"

"Um... I DJ for the club on 5th street?" You offer. It's not a lie, but everyone judged you when you told them that and that you also did some part time work at the museum.

"You work at a club? Cool. Just let me change real quick." She stood and ran to the bedroom.

"Uh... okay..."


	3. Chapter 3

Once at the club, you walk Tessa over to the bar and ask the bartender to watch her, then head over to your booth and start mixing tunes. You keep your eye on Tess. You don't know why, but you can't seem to look away, and it takes you a few minutes to realize someone was trying to talk to you.

"Huh?"

"I said, are you David Strider?" A young man with wild bedhead asked.

"Call me Dave," You reply, shouting over the music and offering the stranger your hand. He took it and shook.

"Are you Tessa's new roommate?" He asked.

"Who wants to know?"

"My name is Gabe Makara, bro. I got motherfucking find that bitch." He asked. His eyes were a dark indigo.

"Are you wearing pajama pants?" You inquire, incredulous.

"That doesn't motherfucking matter bro." He sounds sort of jolly, but says "motherfuck" too much. You point over to the bar.

"She's hanging out by the bar."

"Thanks, Dave was it?"

"Yeah..." You nod and he wanders off to the bar. You were pretty sure the guy was stoned and watch as he tapps Tessa's shoulder and Tess jumped. You watch as her face contorts into a scowl. She says something and turns away from him. He looks pretty pissed off by her comment and grabs her shoulder, turning her around. You don't catch what they say, but you know they're yelling now. And they terrified the bartender. Then after a few minutes, you see Tessa try to push past him and him shove her back against the bar. You drop your headphones and run to the bar. When you reach the bar, Gabe is on the ground with a bloody nose and some of the blood is on Tessa's hand.

"Tessa? Tessa what happened?" You ask, putting an arm around her.

"Dave? Can we go home?" You can feel her trembling and gently lead her away.

"Yeah, we can go. No need to worry."

Once you both reach the apartment, she sits on the couch. You grab some paper towels before sitting next to her. Slowly you take her hand and start cleaning off the blood.

"Now... I know it's none of my business what happened at the club Tessa... but you know, shit like that can make a guy curious." You mutter as you finish cleaning off the blood.

"It's nothing Dave..."

"Who was that guy anyways?" You ask casually, rubbing her hand, even though there's nothing left on it.

"Just... my old boyfriend. He was the one who I was living with. We never really got along very well and after awhile... I got tired. We kept fighting. Arguing over the little things, that then turned into much bigger things. And then he just kept getting angrier and angrier. So I left." Tessa sighs. Her expression is unreadable. As if she was somewhere else entirely.

"He sounds like a grade A douchebag," You chuckle, trying to keep the mood light. Tessa turns to you and looks as if she wants to say something, when she pulls her hand away.

"I'm um... gonna go to bed now." She informs you. You nod and she hurries off. You sleep on the couch that night, to give her some space.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey Dave?" Tessa asks you one night. "Could I have a party here?"

"Yeah sure, knock yourself out." You reply, not looking up from your book on archaeology.

"Um... do you wanna come?" She asks, a little quieter this time, bouncing on the balls of her feet. You look up at her.

"Huh?"

"Well, we need a DJ, and you spin some pretty sick beats and stuff." Tessa stammers, a blush beginning to form across her cheeks. You smile a little.

"Well, if it's just to supply the tunes, I would love to come." Your smile grows a bit when you see her excitement.

"Great! Thanks a ton Dave!" She turns and dashes into the room. You return to your book, thinking hard. Tessa had been staying with you for close to three months now. You had come to enjoy her company. Her scratchy, yet soothing voice. The way she could tell you were looking at her, even though she had no way of seeing you. The way she laughed.

You shake your head. Damn Strider, You think to yourself, this is ridiculous. It's not like you like her or anything. I mean, yeah, she's pretty. But she doesn't... she isn't... Shit. You bang your head on your table, because the only compelling argument would be that she doesn't want to be in another relationship so soon. And she dated Charlie. That was all that was wrong with her. But you shake the thoughts of her out of your head. Tessa Pyrope is strictly off limits.

Days in the future, but not many, you find yourself drinking red punch, that you're sure has some form of alcohol in it and staying too cool to dance to your own mixtapes. The blonde girl who helped Tessa move in is dancing in your living room next to a guy with a mohawk in a wheelchair. He looks really uncomfortable. A guy with sandy blonde hair and 3D glasses twirls a girl with long curly reddish brown hair who laughs in his arms. You see Charlie chatting up a storm with Harley, and attempt to not smile at the way Jade looks as if she will kill Charlie.

"So, Dave, are you having fun?" Tessa asks you. You jump a bit, not having realized that she was next to you.

"Oh, yeah, totally."

"I invited Charlie..." She lowers her unseeing gaze to the ground.

"I noticed. He's sort of awkward at parties, but not as much as Egbert or that Travis dude," You assure her. She smiles a bit.

"So, have you been dancing much?" Tessa asks you, stepping a little closer to you. You shake your head.

"Nah, I'm not really one for dancing at parties," You explain.

"Charlie says you're pretty good when you try," Tessa counters.

"Jegus Christ, you have not been talking to Charlie about me, have you?" You laugh a bit.

"Well, I wanted to find out more about who I was living with," She replies, giggling.

"You could have always, oh I don't know, talked to me directly?" You offer. She taps her chin thoughtfully.

"I'll make you a deal, Mr. Strider. You dance with me at this party, and we'll talk later. Does that sound fair?"

"Sure. So long as I get to hear more about you during this talk." You try not to smile as a light blush forms over her cheeks.

"What? No!"

"Then no deal," You cross your arms. She seems to struggle for a minute or so before letting out a sigh of defeat and holding out her hand.

"Fine! We have a deal,"

"Excellent," You grin and take her hand. You set down, and then with your free hand take her drink, setting it beside yours. You pull her to the center of the room and twirl her. She lets out a giggle. The two of you twirl and glide and kick your way around the room. You can tell the song is ending. Suddenly, Tessa is in your arms and you quickly dip her. You have the urge to kiss her. The sound of applause stops you, and you realize everyone was watching the two of you. She pushes herself away, blushing. You both turn away from each other.

"Charlie was right," You hear her mutter.

"What was that?" You turn towards her.

"Charlie was right. You're a great dancer." She grins at you.


End file.
